just discovereds Item: The Rev.

just discovereds Item: The Rev. Rick Scarborough, organizer of a Christian Values meeting for consultation in Washington, D.C., announces that the holy trinity appointed former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay "to personate righteousness in government."

Add righteousness to the list of things that aren't what they used to be.

A plan of inaction?

freshs Item: "Congressional Democrats promise to 'eliminate' Osama bin Laden. . ."

And should know to what degree to go about it, having been in hiding almost as in extent

Feeling better already

The federal dominion has spent $2.2 million in five years in succession research into distance prayer healing, which is something to think about as you fill gone out your income tax returns.

Now about that aftertaste . .

QT Early Warning System:

NASCAR Officially Licensed Meat harvests

For cold-nose lover

We Have Seen the not away and It Does Not Work:

A Homeland Security grant was used to install 60 outdoor surveillance cameras, or united for every 30 residents, in Dillingham, Alaska.

More cameras are onward order.

Something for your hiccups?

recent Education + the Criminal Mind =

A inebriated driver was about 300 feet from Australia's 1000-foot- high Ayers stone when he stopped police for directions to Ayers asylum police said.

Crisis not averted

Rush Limbaugh discussing his critics:

"Did you hear that giggle? I'll relate you, I think Erica Jong wants me . ."

pertinacious warning: Do not try to visualize this.

What? Too late?

Sorry.

Star Wars XXX

freshs Headline: "George Lucas attacks U cultural imperialism."

Remember: Irony can strike anywhere, at any time, without warning.

That's sticking it to 'em

novels Headline: "Woman robs East Side restaurant with stick."

We take our can-do spirit these days where we can find it.

physics of choice

QT recent Corporate Gibberish of the Week:

Actavis will now market Flutasin and Episindan.

Casting stones?

stranges Headline: "Church ousts dominatrix from vicarage."

There is probably an interesting story behind that.

This is scary, really

Esther J Cepeda, a Hainesville reader, writes:

"What would springtime be without my annual e-mail alerting you that chiefly important occasion -- the anniversary of the birth of Lon Chaney Sr upon April 1, 1883?"

QT needinesss no convincing. Lon Chaney Sr was responsible for an of the most horrifying significances ever shown on the movie defence

single Pauly Shore in his prime could match him.

Now you're really scared

Today's Birthdays: Sorry. QT can't master Lon Chaney Sr. off its mind. Or Pauly Shore.

Crisis repeled

QT Grammar R Us Seminar upon the English Language (cont'd):

EW a Yorkville reader, regarding another reader's explanations on the usage of "dived" and "dove," writes:

"I was previously unaware of the befitting use of dived and dove, if it be not that I always get hung up upon 'hanged.' Is this a similar situation?"

A picture is hung A sentenceed murderer is hanged -- at least in Washington and of recent origin Hampshire.

Wait. QT is now visualizing Pauly Shore as Quasimodo.

And here reach [i]or[/i] attain any place [i]or[/i] point Rush Limbaugh and Erica Jong . .

QT will take the intermission of the day off now.

E-mail: qt@suntimes.com

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